The Homeless Horseman

I will preface this story by assuming everyone knows what the Central Park horse-driven carriages look like. You know, picturesque early 1900's looking chariots driven by inauthentic men in top hats living out some childhood rodeo or Kentucky Derby fantasy gone awry. These horse move at a snail's pace and basically look like some of the most miserable creatures on earth. And so begins my story....

I was on my way home from HK at 39th and 9th Ave; standing on the corner with my best friend and his sister visiting from the Michigan, trying to keep warm and hail a cab. From afar we hear the faint sound of clomping horses. Now this was all very confusing since a)we are no where near nature b)Central Park is a solid 20 blocks north of where we are c)the horses are kept on the far Upper West Side at night and it was about 2am.

As the sound grew louder and louder we look up 9th Ave. to find a man standing at the helm of one of these carriages with the horse GALLOPING down the street. The driver was definitely not one of the lethargic horsemen of norm, but seemed to be a homeless man who had hijacked the horse and buggy. He made a sharp right on 39th Street almost taking out my friend's sister all the while screaming, "GET OUTTA MY WAY YOU PERVERTS!!" And then he rode off into the night never to be seen again.

Sighting of My Fearless Leader

Just another random walk home from the subway: like many before, like many will be afterwards. I saw a movie set in Bryant Park (like many before, like many will be afterwards) and decided to walk by since Fashion Week is probably my favorite time of the year. I was very curious to see who was shooting with a fake fashion week tent in the background. Movie sets are a lot of hurry up and wait so I didn't think I would see anyone worth noting. I took a quick glimpse and kept on my way down 6th Avenue.

At about 40th and 6th I noticed a girl walking towards me with this crazy outfit on. This being New York and everything, I didn't think anything of it. Seriously, it looked like she was wearing two giant dirty snowballs (or dandelion puffs). She wasn't with a mass of people so I really thought nothing of it.....until I got closer. Our paths crossed and when she was about 10 feet away from me I realized......OMG IT IS SARAH JESSICA PARKER!!! IT IS CARRIE BRADSHAW!!! MY FEARLESS LEADER!!! Once I realized who she was a smile spread across my face that I could not have possibly controlled. She looked at me and smiled back in a silent "I know you are a huge fan and thank you for now attacking me with cameras and praises" kind of way. As soon as it was over I had to stop by the first place I knew that had wireless internet and let me partner in crim (and fellow SATC devotee) know who I had seen.

This has easily been my favorite sighting over the past year and half. Sex and the City changed the way women think about everything from fashion to boys to shoes to careers. The show was one of my huge inspirations to move to New York, and seeing Sarah Jessica Parker was really the icing on the Maglolia cupcake. The only thing that would have topped this is if Carrie had been walking down the street with Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte.....I think I would have passed out.

Anna Wintour, Eat Your Heart Out

Halloween has never been so fabulous.

The Legend

The Inspiration

The Reality

Marc Jacobs Loves Pigs

Happy Halloween from the Marc Jacobs store on Bleecker. Shield the eyes of your kids lest they turn into vegetarians immediately. Is Marc trying to tell us a) Happy Halloween b) meat is murder or c) he is Jewish. I'm not really sure, but I can tell you that pig was not done off in a kosher way. I can't wait till Sexy Santa comes back for pics this December!

CP30's Dream Woman

While walking down 25th Street every day, I always laugh a little to myself at this mannequin shop half way down the block. In the window is the most redeculous mannequin I have ever seen (and I am totally creeped out by them the way others get nervous around clowns or Halloween masks). I think to myself, "Aw, this is CP30's dream woman." This mannequin spends her days staring down to the street below like a gold plated Rapunzel wishing to be rescued.

Dove Onslaught Viral Video

Unilever hits us with another look at the beauty industry. But wait.....arent they in the beauty industry? Last time I checked they produce self tanning, anti-aging, volumizing, and firming products. Love the skin you're in!

Fat-Asses of the World Unite!

Does the thought of narrow stadium seats make you cringe? The thought of hard plastic cutting into your flesh, muffin tops spilling over the arm rests to the horror and dismay of your neighbors? Well fear not fatties, organizers of the 2012 Olympics in London are accomodating you by ordering wider seats for the stadiums. I find this raises a serious question though...Should society condone this "flabberization" of its population?

Check out the article:
Do Bigger Chairs Make Bigger Butts

Raisin Face takes on the Devil who wears Prada

Raisin-face Rachel Zoe is at it again....getting a little too big for her size 00 britches. This time she has taken on my beloved Anna Wintour, Vogue editor and basically the compass of the fashion industry. Guess what honey, the trailer trash that reads US Weekly (where your clients are most prominently featured) want's to find your picks at H&M or Forever 21. Anna on the other hand is a style beacon, a lighthouse in the monstrous sea of designers transcending fashion, celebrity, and philanthropy. Zoe needs to get herself back in line immediately. Speaking of lines.....learn something from Anna, and cover up those canyons with some bangs.

Published: Thursday, September 13, 2007
WHO’S BIGGER?: Rachel Zoe has never been known for having a small ego, but who knew she considered herself the most important woman in fashion. “Anna Wintour is one of my heroes, but they say I’m more influential,” Zoe tells Lynn Hirschberg in this Sunday’s issue of The New York Times Magazine. “As great as it is, Vogue won’t change a designer’s business. But if an unknown brand is worn by a certain person in a tabloid, it will be the biggest designer within a week.”

Arrogant? Perhaps. But she’s certainly making a comparable salary to the famed editor in chief. According to Hirschberg, the stylist makes roughly $6,000 a day, which is generally paid for by the movie studios when her clients have movies to promote for them. And others are clearly interested in her services as well, among them the Bravo network, which is reportedly in talks with Zoe about doing a show for them. — Jacob Bernstein

Who wants to be the next Paris Hilton???

Ah, the continued downfall and deterioration of our society. Speaking of society....this is exactly the thing future Paris's and Niclole's of the world need to propel them into the limelight (DUI, jail time, and pregnancy are so hot right now). Truthfully, any socialite worth her salt doesn't need a reality TV show to make it happen for herself, and anyone with a reputable family would be locked in the dungeon of the estate before going on a TV show like this. My prediction is that it will be littered with d-list socialites and the hanger's on who wish they were.....makes for good TV though since they are hungry to claw their way to the top and obviously must whore themeslves out to do so.

PS - My guess is that the "reigning socialite princess" is none other than our nemisis, Tinsley Mortimer

Date: Mon, 10 Sep 2007 13:59:54
To:"Avo Yermagyan"
Gaudy PR

Please see the Press Release, included below:

For Immediate Release


(September 2007) Beverly Hills, CA - Doron Ofir Casting, in
association with The Mottola Company and 25/7 Productions have begun
casting for a fierce new television series searching for America's
most ambitious, driven, stylish, and socially conscious young
debutantes of pedigree, who wish to propel their careers and causes
onto the world stage, while being led by New York's reigning socialite

This exclusive invitation is being presented to America's elite
debutantes and is the chance that every aspiring "it girl" dreams of.
"I'm excited to bring this coveted opportunity to these aspiring it
girls across the nation..." said Doron Ofir, President of Doron Ofir
Casting, when asked about the search, he continues, "...We are seeking
the future female leaders who will reign with unstoppable zeal,
unprecedented style, and an unwavering dedication to philanthropy.
These upwardly-mobile young women should be at least 21 years of age,
appear under 26, and have the determination to make their mark on the
most important social scene in the world, New York City. This is not
an open casting call. This is for a very select few".

The yet to be revealed society powerhouse, New York's reigning
socialite princess, will choose one exemplary protege out of 10
formidable ingenues, to be awarded this life changing experience. The
special girl will network her way through New York City's social
labyrinth and get on the radar by impressing the judges with her
sophistication, beauty, and social awareness. By joining this
exclusive Manhattan Sorority, she will be invited to the city's most
glamorous happenings and events, coiffed and styled by the best, and
have the chance to secure her place in the world of high society,
deeming her worthy of the sought after title of "It Girl".

For more information on this search, to be considered as a
participant, or to nominate a friend, please visit:

For additional inquiries, please e-mail:
or contact Paisley Baker, Doron Ofir Casting: 310.467.3007.



Avo Yermagyan
Gaudy PR

Soho Art Parade

If you do nothing else this weekend chisel out some time around 4pm on Saturday to head down to Soho for the Deitch Projects Art Parade. It is wild, crazy, hillarious, and oh so much fun; costumes and artistic performances abound. I promise not to dissapoint. I just happened to come across this event last summer, and once I knew the date of the 2007 parade I actually put it in my day planner so I would not miss it. This is the event to close the summer, dear readers....don't miss it.

Deitch Projects Art Parade - Saturday, Sept 8th @ 4pm
Parade goes down West Broadway from Houston to Grand

Free Eats on the LES

Best deal in the city for those on a shoestring budget.....or those who have been shopped out of house and home by the end of the Barneys Warehouse Sale (as I was this past weekend). I will literally be an old woman who lived in her shoes, but thanks to the new Whole Foods on Houston and Bowrey I will be able to feast on all the free samples at the Wednesday night "Block Party". That's right, from 6-8pm every Wednesday give your palate a workout and your pocketbook a rest. Delve into culinary delights such as exotic cheese, sweets, breads, and meats. All food groups are represented so get thee to Whole Foods and have a well balanced meal on them!

Beauty Queen has reasoning ability of 6 year old

This is so completely embarrassing I just had to share. Kudos to the great state of South Carolina and their amazing educational system for giving birth to this amazingly awful answer to a question that one really can't get wrong. I just feel bad for this child. As stated in Billy Madison, we are all now less intelligent for hearing this answer.

Not Just for Tourists - Coney Island

Step right up, step right up folks! Come see the amazing wonderment that is Coney Island. Word on the street is that it's the last summer for this century-old playground so hop on the Q train and see it before it becomes luxury highrises. Granted, if not for the historical presence this dump would have been torn down a long time ago. It is full of creaky, old amusement park rides, creepy carnies, and a crowd mixed with tourists and the pickpockets who love them. Here are my top "to-dos" for your Coney Island trip.

1. You MUST go to the freak show/sideshow act. Sadly, this was the main reason I wanted to go out there. Who doesn't want to see a man drive a nail through his head, a firebreather, a sword swallower, or a dude with his face completely covered in hair who also happens to be a tightrope walker. Seriously, if you go to Coney Island for an hour this is what you have to do....this is Americana at its finest.

2. Get ready for the rush of nitrates and the smell of all things must have a Nathan's hotdog. Forget the pathetic stand on the boardwalk; go to the original location across the street from the subway stop (and closer to the freak show). The hotdogs are actually quite good and as my mom says, she like the dogs where the skin that snaps when you bite into it. Nasty, but critical in the hotdog experience. Stroll to the side of the building to check out the Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest wall of fame. Listen to your gastrointestinal tract churn as you read the number of dogs consumed. What I don't understand is how the hell the winning number went from like 9 in 1987 to 66 in 2007. What happened in 20 years that has allowed man to consume over 6 times the number of hot dogs in 12 minutes. Seriously, all you need is one.

3. Bring you swim suit and towel because the freak show and eating a hot dog will only take about an hour and 10 minutes....there is a beach at Coney Island. Granted the waves are miniscule and the sand is a bit industrial, but there are tons of beach volleyball courts, scantily clad co-eds and a wonderful boardwalk that stretches to Brighton Beach where you can pick up the Q and return to lovely Manhattan.

Celeb Sighting - Tori Spelling & Fam

Celeb Sighting - Tori Spelling with hubby Dean and little tot Liam walking down West Broadway this past Saturday. As a child of the 90210 generation, I loved this sighting. PS - Her husband is freaking HOT.....and no, I did not take this pic.

The Bourne Ultimatum

Go see The Bourne Ultimatum immediately. It's not the cliche summer action flick you are expecting; The Bourne series always has a great story, amazing locales, and this one doesn't have a sappy love interest (which is nice for once). Here is the jist: Jason realizes something has gone very wrong with the "program" he is involved in....he wants to find out who started it, and who made him the desensitized killing machine he has become. I love how they filmed a good chunk of the car chase when he is in the NYPD car in my 'hood. Just look for the shots of the Organic Market and Chipotle. Now I understand whey they basically shut down my street for 4 days filming that times they wouldn't even let anyone walk out of their apartments. ....Baby it's hot outside, so let Jason Bourne (aka David Webb) cool you off.

My New Toy

I have a new addition to my family......yesterday I brought home a mac. Endless hours of fun, procrastination and creativity are in my future. I am not exactly sure what this will mean for ScapeNY, but I am certain there will be funny pictures and movies of me at a bare minimum. Be prepared dear readers.....this is about to get muy caliente!

Mannequin Orgy on 5th Ave!

You never would guess what goes on behind the closed doors of the Kenneth Cole dressing room on 5th Ave. I noticed a strange door in the dressing room when I was there recently, and in my quest for constant amusement and curiosity I opened the door only to discover the seedy underground doings of a mannequin orgy in full force! Limbs, breasts, lumps, and pouches entwined in a naked soiree of plastic perfection. It's a good thing there weren't any child mannequins being exposed to this hidden nudist would have been necessary to alert the authorities immediately.

Celeb Sighting - Lisa Rinna

Lisa Rinna spotted at Broadway and 24th Street.
She is in NYC for a brief stint in the musical, Chicago, with her husband Harry Hamlin. I think she has had the same suburban Tony & Guy meets Sally Hershberger hair cut for the past decade, so if that didn't give it away, it was the freakishly inflated lips. It is painful to see those things in real life. It is like Angelina Jolie's mouth on steroids without chapstick (her lips are kinda wrinkly). Anyways, she has a great body so I will give her major props for that.

Sayonara Tarrytown!

Oh how bittersweet this last train ride back to the city is......

Beyonce's Orlando Face Plant

Call me crazy, but does anyone else see the similarity in Beyonce's "moves" and the new Sunsilk commercial where the girl has to get a neck brace from swinging her hair too hard? Maybe instead of whipping that mane around she should concentrate on where to place her feet on the stairs. I know everyone has eaten it before on a staircase (my crowning moment was a grand entrance into the Hammerstein Ballroom for a Jennifer Hudson concert), but at least I don't have a hundred people with cameras ready to document.

Fatties----not in Manhattan

America has an obesity problem? Seriously, I hardly ever see really fat people in Manhattan. Yes, I may sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen all day, but living in New York requires that you have to get off your ass and walk just to survive. Below is a normal day in NYC for me (and most New Yorkers). Normal tasks take on new meaning when you don't have a gas-guzzling SUV to haul you and your junk around.

- Commuting: On my way to work I walk up and down 199 stairs each way (yes, I counted yesterday) for a grand total of 398 stairs a day including walking to and from the subway and train station. I am going to guess that most people get in their car that is parked in the attached garage and circle the parking lot at work to find the closest spot possible (if not pirate the visitors or handicapped parking space).

- The grocery store: Yep, I walk to the grocery store, buy my food for the week and carry my bags home. Thank god I live 5 minutes away from Whole Foods (I use to have to take the subway to the grocery store - more stairs), and at least I don't live in a walk-up. I probably end up burning off the bag of groceries before I consume it. Haha.

- Shopping: There is no mall in Manhattan, and the closest Target is either at 225th Street or in New Jersey. One-stop shopping is virtually unheard of....and that means one thing: walking...with shopping bags.

- Working out: Yes, after all that you must either walk or take the subway (which includes stairs) to the gym. It's a nice little warm up, especially in the winter.

The SATC lifestyle of taking cabs everywhere gets really expensive really fast, so I would venture to say that most of us either use public trans or hoof it. Granted, you do hear freak stories of people having to be removed from their apartments with a crane, but for the most part people are quite slim here. I am sure it helps that a bag of groceries will run you $30. Gotta love Manhattan, kids.

My biggest fear....

My biggest fear splashed across the pages of NY Magazine.

Wonderful Electrician in NYC

Renting in NYC means shady landlords, old buildings, unattractive light fixtures, and the dreaded window-unit air conditioner. Coming from Texas, I had no idea buildings had anything but central air....boy was I wrong. My climate controlled life had swiftly come to an end. My ceiling fan had been broken for months, so as we are dragged kicking and screaming into the dog days of summer, I had to get the fan fixed pronto.

After being stood up twice by my roommate's mother's electrician, I got the number of a great guy from a friend who had just had dimmers and overhead fixtures installed in his apartment. Adi, the electrician, was completely friendly, un-creepy, and did a wonderful job (he even went to Home Depot with me to pick out a new fan so I got the right model). Superb customer service, punctual, and friendly....if you need an electrician in Manhattan, this is your go-to guy.

Adi "Electrician Extraordinaire" - 917-547-8720

My Lip Gloss is Poppin!

In honor of my fabulous friend Jordan's song du jour, here is a spoof on Lil Mama's song Lip Gloss....sticking with this week's tranny theme, of course. HIT IT!

Tranny - No Match

Ok, so no match with the case of the bi-coastal trannies. I received a picture of my friend's brother's friend's tranny girlfriend who we thought was the same person as my friend, Hot Tranny. Turns out there are many more exotic lady-boys out there than you think. Guys, next time you sidle up to that cutie at the bar....that girl who looks extremely hot but has obviously had a lot of work done....think twice before you get too close. She may be packing a surprise you never imagined in your wildest dreams.

Tranny Update

One of my most randomly met friends ever (I will post the amazing story TBD) was in town last night, and we went to La Focaccia for dinner on W 4th. On our walk down we were catching up since we had not seen each other in about a year, and of course he asked me to tell him crazy stories of what was going on with me. Of course I proceeded to tell him the craziest story of all, the Tranny Party Epic. He was amazed at this story (especially how we caught our married friend) and went on to tell his own tranny story....I guess everyone has a tranny story. Turns out his brother's uber-preppy friend is dating a tranny porn star. When I mentioned what my tranny friend's name was he immediately gave me a strange look, "that is what his girlfriend's name is" he said. STRANGE. So I proceeded to ramble off a number of defining characteristics such as where she lives, what she looks like, etc, and they all checked out. I would absolutely love it if my tranny friend was dating his brother's friend. What a coincidence. CRAZY. I immediately emailed him pictures this morning to get a visual confirmation. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED!!!

I Wonder if This Job is Paid Hourly?

I was perusing through my Monster job alert email, when I came across this gem of an HR nightmare: Title - Market Research ANAL. It's a good thing the company is confidential....unless they are a producer of laxatives, enemas, or products skewed towards gay males. Someone's getting fired over this one. Hahah.

Click on the image to get a better view.

One Piece Suit

I am officially an adult. For the first time since I was 8 years old I have bought a one-piece swimsuit. I am going to my colleague's home upstate for her annual pool/bbq/fun-in-the-sun party. Now, I love skimpy suits, but there is definitely a time and a place for those things....and I plan on stuffing my face with burgers, drinking cocktails all day, and I can't really be bothered with the attention a bikini needs. Sooooo I got the hottest one-piece I could find at American Apparel: sexy, yet covered....cut outs in all the right places... This suit makes me want to wear heels at the pool and have a cabana boy by rub me down with SPF 30 (no tanning oil for this broad....wrinkles are not hot).

The Suit

Posh and Becks Take on W Mag - HOT

I think little Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham, has ousted her own husband as sexiest human. The Steven Klein photos in the August 07 issue of W are nothing less than sultry, sweaty, and voyeuristic. Seems like she is channeling a bit of Edie Sedgewick grit and Liz Taylor glam. Can you imagine that she has pushed two kiddies out of that body?? Now that is what I call good genes....and an endless supply of money to make yourself hot. Gorgeous! Now if only we could get David Beckham to lighten up on the tats....he looks like he came straight from either a prison yard or a trailer park.

See all the pics on

New Fav Blogs

These are must reads in the endless quest for work-day procrastination. How can I be expected to get anything done when I can look at hilarious photo documentation of gay Fire Island shenanigans and read about the happenings radiating from the corner of Greenwich @ Bank? It makes me even more depressed that I must suffer through the recycled air and unflattering light of the least I can add a little entertainment and faggotry to my incredibly straight work day. Love it!

Gayz of Our Lives

Stoop News


For those of you who missed the 4th of July fireworks in NYC because of rain you can get a quick recap below. There is nothing like watching fireworks from the top of a high-rise and managing to hold an umbrella, cocktail, and camera at the same time. Too bad I can't lay in a track of the Star Spangled Banner (or Madonna's I Love New York) in the background. Sad thing is that it's hard to tell whether we are celebrating the birth of our nation or getting attacked by a sect of gay terrorists (more glitter!!)....I need to get a better camera.

Parker Posey is my hero.

She hit the nail right on the head with this quote. Now that I have reached the ripe old age of 25 I have entered into single spinster-dom according to my comrades in the South. Wake up people, you get way better wedding gifts if you wait to get married in your 30's when you friends actually have some disposable income. The North is soooo different. I love it.

"I wanted to leave the South when I was 11 years old. I was a ballerina, and I just knew I wanted to do something. I didn’t want to grow up and get married and have a family at the age of 18 or 21. I wanted to do things. It’s very different down South where you have more of that. I’m from Monroe, Louisiana, and you’re kind of a freak when you actually want to do something with your life.”


Is it wrong I am disturbed by the fact that over 240 people have viewed my dancing she-male tranny video on YouTube in the past 4 days??? I don't know if that is a lot or not, but considering the ba-gillions of videos on YouTube it seems high. Hmmmmmmm.

Tranny Party - An Epic Tale

I have said it before, and I will say it again: there is something for everybody in NYC. Here is the background: one of my best gays use to have a tranny as a roommate. For those of you not in the know, a tranny is not a cross-dresser but one who has really kicked it up a notch and has opted for plastic surgery and may or may not have had a sex change. So, my friend's old roommate (we will call her Hot Tranny from here on out) was hosting this tranny party at the seediest bar I have ever been to at 31st and Madison. A group of 5 of us (3 gays 2 straights) really had no idea what to expect and thought at a minimum it would be good for a few laughs, some free drinks, and we could at least say hi to Hot Tranny who is fierce and fabulous in her silicone infused glory.

We showed up around 11:30 (before Hot Tranny) and had to entertain ourselves for about 15 minutes before we were allowed in the back VIP section. Along the perimeter of the room was a line of the most awkward looking, unattractive men I have ever seen. The weirdos come out of the woodwork for events like this, I guess. The one thing I thought very strange was that these guys were straight. Now, I pride myself in running with a pack of extremely attractive gay men and none of the bystanders even gave them a glance. They were mesmerized by the she-males.

All the sudden Hot Tranny emerged and we were whisked back to the VIP room where $3 bottles of Andre champagne were popped and Grey Goose bottles filled with Svedka were unleashed. While we were observing the spectacle that is Hot Tranny work the room, the VIP area slowly started to fill with guys who had paid $150 a ticket to be graced with her presence. When I say VIP room I am sure you think of Marquee or Bungalow...a special jewel of a room; a den of iniquity and inebriation for the chosen few. This VIP room mirrored one you might find in Eastern Europe with oscillating floor fans bolted to the ceilings, exposed wiring, duct tape mended Ikea couches, and a plywood riser for the 'ladies' to dance on. While Hot Tranny was easily the queen of the party, the other trannies looked like men with fake boobs (not hot). Although, one actually looked a little like Salma Hayek and there was another who mirrored a 1980's Annie Lenoxx. As it turns out the trannies were not there to be gawked at like creatures in the zoo, but to line up their tricks for the night and meet with their 'clients'. I use the term clients very loosely as these ladies were obviously not doing any type of taxes, interior design, or practicing law.

After cheap vodka and even cheaper champagne it was time to make a trip to the girls room.....or what actually was the tranny staging area. The women's bathroom was teeming with trannies in various stages of makeup and undress. The bathroom attendant quickly ushered them out (as there were no doors on the stalls, and they are in fact guys) so we could pee. My roommate and I were given our 5-square ration of toilet paper from the attendant then finally were able to have a brief reprieve from the scene outside the bolted door.

Back in the VIP room, the trannies danced on the box, flirted with gross guys, but my roommate and I noticed a quite handsome man enter the VIP area. Well dressed, straight looking, very attractive, and a little familiar......Hot Tranny went over immediately and started to talk him up. My friend Todd looks up and goes "OH MY GOD THAT IS HAROLD*!!!"(name has been changed to protect the guilty) Todd and I had met Harold* at a few high society house parties a while back, and while there was always an aire of questionable sexuality from him, he was in fact married to a woman (although we know that doesn't mean a damn thing). After Hot Tranny was done chatting we called her over and began the interrogation to make sure it was the same guy. Turns out it WAS this guy Harold, and he is in fact one of Hot Tranny's 'clients'. O-M-G what does one do with information like this???? His poor wife! I can not even imagine finding out that your husband is cheating on you with a chick who has a penis. I can't! Harold noticed us dying in the corner and quickly houdini'd out of the place. Todd texted him later to ask what he was up to, and he promptly replied that he was having dinner at Pastis...ya if by Pastis you mean cheating on your wife with a tranny, then I guess so. Can you imagine showing up somewhere like that in a very compromising environment where you think you will never be discovered....only to find two people who know you.

After that things were getting a little out of hand....lap dances, really mannish trannies, etc. so it was definitely time to jet. The gays and straights alike in our group were all a little fazed by the Harold incident, and it was time to get outta there. Oh kids, just another night in New York City. As I always say....I just can't make this stuff up.

Waxer Beware!

Summer means one thing: swimming. Whether it be the beach or the pool, a tidy "down there" region is a must. Be warned, dear reader: while glossing through Gawker I found a frightening article about getting waxed. I have said it before, and I will say it again....leave the Brazilians to the professionals. If a place is charging less than $60 in NYC then I would steer clear. Best bets are the J. Sisters or Bliss. A friend of mine in Chicago went to some shady place and ended up having a patch of ingrown hairs that did not go away for over a YEAR. Be's a jungle out there either way!

Bikini Wax Disasters on Gawker

You know it's Gay Pride in NYC when.....2

Someone got a good workout before the Pride parade on Sunday! Maybe this is Lance Armstrong's gay brother....Actually, I think he is the long lost twin of the famed silver leggings man at my holiday party. He should probably buy stock in American Apparel now.

You know it's Gay Pride in NYC when.....

You know it's Gay Pride in NYC when your waiter at brunch is wearing a rainbow weenie wrapper. This has to be a health code violation.

Who wants a saggy ass and camel toe??!!

7th Avenue has to be freaking kidding me if they think this 70's boho trend is going to catch on. Have these people seen Dazed and Confused?? Not only did those jeans require a pair of pliers to zip up, but the high-waist makes everyone look like they have a perpetual camel toe and that their ass is droopy and two feet long. I admit I was a late adopter of the skinny jeans, but at least those make your legs look super long and skinny. How do you even begin to digest food with pants that high? These are the like trendy "mom jeans" without the tapered ankles. I am going to have to draw the line. Sorry fashion, but I am spitting in your eye. is really stretching here with the 70's thing.

Hillary Clinton looking like a raisin

Sweet Jesus! Get thee to the dermatologist immediately. I can hear the cash register ca-chings reverbating.....Hillary Clinton needs some injections stat! Bring on the peels, lasers, plumpers, fillers, and botox. We can't have the woman who could potentially represent the free world and the youth-obsessed, grossly consumeristic American public looking like that!

Man-Zillian......a New Frontier

Finally guys are getting the hint. Take a cue from the gays and get that mess taken care of. Guess what.....if us chicks are expected to be all spic and span down there, you should at least return the favor. Thanks.

The man-zillian craze is growing!

Rats at Pinkberry!

Pinkberry is easily the new Magnolia Bakery with scores of people lining up around the corner for a cup of sweet, swirly goodness.......looks like they may get an unexpected dose of rat turd toppings! YUM!

Rats Invade Pinkberry Yogurt Shop -- Pinkberry's frozen yogurt is popular with people -- and rats.
The vermin were seen scurrying around the Upper East Side store Sunday morning. Rats were also a few from the yogurt machine, and that's not far from bins of fresh fruit toppings.
Owners said they shocked by the discovery and have since sanitized all their New York outlets.
However, word of the mice didn't seem to stop people from lining up outside the shop, which is on 82nd Street and Second Avenue.
A few months ago, cameras captured swarms of rats inside a KFC/Taco Bell in the West Village.
The Health Department closed that eatery.

Burlesque Beauties in the Lower East Side

I have said it a million times. There is something for everyone in New York City. I have always been quite fascinated by burlesque performers (maybe it was watching Gypsy too many times as a kid), so a random Friday night calls for an equally random activity. The Slipper Room on the Lower East side has a burlesque show every Friday night complete with boobie tassels, fringe panties, and a smoking swearing host dressed as Jesus. Skip the pre-show that starts as up at 12 for the real action. The acts range from legit burlesque dancing to three chicks that looked like they blew through a few rails before performing a dance-team number to Christina's Dirrrty wearing construction outfits and pasties. Random. If you are looking for chicks with hot bods (a la Scores strippers) this is not for you. The girls are on the curvy side, but guess what, this is what real chicks look implants in this crowd. There was also a guy dancer who was like a creepy Boy George (the full frontal dose we got was a bit shocking). All in all it was a great time, and highly recommend to spice up your Friday night routine. Who doesn't love sequined panties and boobie pasties. Hehe.

The Slipper Room

Summer: A User's Guide - Suzanne Brown

Are you a summerologist? My great friend, Suzanne Brown, has compiled all the amazing things about summer into her new book, Summer: A User's Guide. This book takes you back to when you were a kid, makes you want to wear flip flops all year, and stop taking everything so seriously! Come visit Suzanne in Union Square tomorrow, Saturday, June 16th from 11-1. And by all means, take off your shoes, run in the grass, and have fun god dammit! We only have a few months of the great weather left!

Summer: A User's Guide by Suzanne Brown

Social Security Office

Here is a little tip discovered in my workings of living in Manhattan. Going to the Social Security office sucks. It smells, the people are either 90 years old trying to scam Medicaid, can't speak English, or have obviously undiagnosed cases of mental illness. After two attempts at getting a replacement social security card (where I had to leave because I just could not wait any longer) I have found the prime time to go: Friday afternoon at 3:45. They stop taking new people at 4pm, so you have to at least make that cut off. Through past experience the people who work there have absolutely no sense of urgency in cranking through cases. That is, of course, unless it is Friday afternoon and they are all ready to leave. Before I waited an hour and a half to speak to I was out of there by 4:20. 35 minutes as compared to an hour and a half! At the end of the day on Friday they get everyone in the office to help go through people. Instead of just the 3 they have at the window, I think at one time they had 6 people helping out. Vundebar!

Celeb Sighting - Austin Scarlett of Project Runway

Heidi, and 5The Project Runway streak continues! 1st Laura Bennett, 2nd Michael Johns (not worthy of post), 3rd Angela Keslar (also not worthy), 4thth Michael Kors....and now Austin Scarlett!

Everyone remembers Project Runway's ultra flamboyant and hilariously feminine Austin Scarlett. I was at the Port Authority Bus Terminal yesterday (just about the most un-glam place you can be in the city besides the Social Security office) and I noticed that hair. Project Runways fans know the hair: coiffed within an inch of its life, highlighted, and perfect in every regard. I quickened my stride to get a glimpse. There he was in all his queenly glory: painfully skinny jeans, woven brown leather booties, tailored blazer, and purse (or murse and I like to call it when guys carry one). Wonder where he was taking the bus to.....

Austin Scarlett homepage

Man Down! Man Down!

You know how when you first got your driver's license, your mother told you that "you are never in too much of a hurry to get into an accident". Well, today I discovered that the same goes for being a pedestrian.

As any normal New Yorker, I wait for light to change half way in the middle of the street, I cross against the red hand if I feel I can safely make it in time, and going to a cross walk is sometimes really out of my way. Well, this morning I was making a mad dash to the train way far uptown (it is no secret in this city that some neighborhoods get much more love than others...just compare Park Avenue to, let's say 225th Street). I am usually quite quick and lithe when crossing, and as a bonus I was wearing flats today. Well, I was watching the traffic instead of where I was stepping and planted my foot right on the side of a pot hole. Man Down! Man Down! Terror, adrenaline, and embarrassment suddenly overtook my entire body. All I could think of was the bus and car coming towards me and I don't think I have ever scrambled so fast in my life to get out of that intersection.

It scared the shit out of me more than anything else, and thank God I escaped relatively unscathed. I did, however, tear my favorite jeans at the knee, my foot hurts, and I could possibly still have a little bit of Broadway stuck in my hand. The train I almost died over ended up being late, the raspberries I brought for breakfast are more on the pureed side, and I had to continue onto the train with people I see every day with a very bruised ego. I am could have been so much worse. You gotta learn your lessons, then make lemonade out of the lemons: There will always be another train, and now I get to make cute cut-off bermudas.

Smoking makes you thin, doesn't it?

First it's underweight models, now it's magazine advertising. Where will the government draw the line in harassing the fashion industry? Congress has asked 11 leading women's magazines (including my beloved Vogue) to pull all cigarette advertising from their glossy pages. Did they ask any men's magazines? While they are at it, should they also pull ads for alcoholic beverages and fast food joints? In the world we live in today, cigarette advertising is really the least of our worries. Get a clue congress!

Check out the AdAge article

Celeb Sighting - Michael Kors

Being a huge Project Runway fan, I was super excited to spot Michael Kors (self-proclaimed king of American jet-set style) having a bite to eat at the restaurant across the street from Tortilla Flats in the Meatpacking District. Nothing compares to this sassy queen's appraisal of Project Runway contestants. In true Kors fashion, he was wearing aviators, a black t-shirt, and khaki pants. My friend spotted Hiedi Klum about 20 minutes before the Kors sighting, so I am going to assume the Project Runway divas were lunching together. Fab.

Celebrity Sighting - Adrian Brody

Spotted! Adrian Brody chatting on his cell phone on Green and Spring last night. Very hot, but shorter than I imagined. YUM!

The Puerto Ricans are Coming!

The Puerto Ricans are coming! The Puerto Ricans are coming! Just as Paul Revere warned Bostonians of the forthcoming British, I am warning New Yorkers that today is the Puerto Rican Day Parade. That's right...the annual Manhattan infiltration of wildly patriotic, raucous causing, and incredibly ghetto Puerto Ricans. I will try to snap some paparazzi shots of the worst offenders. Basically, you couldn't pay me to go above 14th Street today. thee to Whole Foods immediately and stock up on bottled water, canned goods, candles, and flashlight batteries. It is time to hunker down and wait till the storm returns to the Bronx, Brooklyn, and Queens.

Lance Bass - Unable to control limbs

While perusing through Gawker today I found a little ditty pulled from the Post about my friend Jasen Kaplan. Gotta watch out for freshly outed ex-NSYNC'ers and their flailing arms....saw the stitches last weekend. Please tell me he was doing the Bye-Bye-Bye dance!

Scenes From A Ball

Heatherette's fantastical, Tinsley Mortimer-studded voyage to the Life Ball in Vienna occurred over Memorial Day weekend, as James Kurisunkal and his email aliases so reliably informed us, but it's taken the Post's Brian Niemietz until now to recover from the festivities enough to tell us about them. And oh, what a Ball it was!

Lance Bass accidentally smashed a champagne flute against a fellow partygoer's mouth while dancing wildly, thus requiring stitches. It wasn't until the next morning that the smashee, a makeup staffer on the trip, realized glass shards were embedded in his bleeding lip. Luckily, a dentist and volunteer organizer named Fernando was on hand to provide stitches.
Could this be the gayest paragraph ever to have appeared in the Post? All Cindy Adams columns excluded, of course.

Luna Park - Worst Marg in Manhattan

A brief stint at Luna Park this past weekend has dethroned all previous holders of the "Worst Margs in Manhattan" title. On a quest for delicious margaritas, my friends and I descended upon Luna Park (restaurant in the middle of Union Square). After being told by the maitre'd the kitchen was closed (I was starving) I decided to drink my lunch with a refreshing alcoholic beverage. We were seated by our incompetent waitress who told me the kitchen was plates upon plates of food exited its door. She handed me a sparse menu, we ordered a pitcher of swirl margs, and waited in sweet anticipation of that first icy slurp. 30 minutes later....we got our glasses of water, I was informed that the kitchen was in fact closed until dinner, and a pitcher of regular margaritas was brought out. When we informed her the error she went back and poured a cup of the strawberry variety down the side of the pitcher. Being the only lady in the group, I got the first glass (with no much for swirl). I brought the glass to my lips.........and what I tasted was not my beloved margarita, but a combination of lemonade, Sweet Tarts, and no booze. Needless to say, we got up and left: pitcher with its dewy condensation still on the table. The quest for the margarita continued.....

Luna Park - Summer 2007 title holder for "Worst Margarita in Manhattan"
Maybe I am just becoming jaded by constantly watching the fashion scent, but 99% of the looks from last night's 2007 CFDA Awards are safe and boring. I think Oprah has worn that dress in every shade of the rainbow. There is a fine line between classy and mediocre and last night's frocks definitely border on the latter. C'est la vie. Every event needs a good fashion disaster to spice things up a bit...too bad Bjork wasn't there.

PS - Am I the only who thinks of Tory Burch as the Target of the luxury fashion world? Way to tap into the "masstige" market!

Full coverage of the 2007 CFDA Awards on

Naomi Campbell for W Mag - Fierce

This is fashionista gold. My friend Jordan tipped me off to this video on YouTube. He was the assistant on the cover shoot for the June issue of W magazine (holding the wind machine) and saw first hand Naomi Campbell rocking it like Tina Turner when they put on Proud Mary. Loves it!

Gramercy Park - The Gate Was Open!

Two mornings ago I was out power-walking like a soccer mom taking my usual loop down Broadway to Union Square, east on 14th street, and up Irving Place. While I was walking around Gramercy Park, I noticed the gate was open. Eureka! For those of you who don't know, Gramercy Park is a bastion of Manhattan snobbery. This is a park only available to those who are residents of the buildings on the perimeter streets or staying at the Gramercy Park Hotel. Those lucky few have keys to the gate; otherwise, plebeians not allowed inside.

Anyways, I decided that this was my chance to see the park up close and personal, so I took a lap around the meticulously landscaped gravel path. I was glowing in all my glory having outsmarted the grounds keepers who left the gate ajar and enjoying a truly beautiful May morning. As I rounded the corner and headed to exit I noticed my gate that was once open is now shut. Not a big deal right, as all things, it should open with no problem when you are on the inside. WRONG! The gate was totally locked. I am a prisoner in Gramercy Park! You need a key to enter and exit....does the fire marshall know about this? After a moment of panic and imagining the embarrassment of asking one of the other ladies to let me out I saw a groundskeeper sweeping the street. I called to him to come open the door. I was then reprimanded by a man who prunes bushes and picks up trash for a living for entering the "private park". Oh no he diiiiiiiiiiint. I was sure to let him know that it was probably his fault the gate was open, and not really my problem if I went inside because of his mistake. Whatever. I then went on my merry way back up to Chelsea, loving the fact that I sneaked into the most excluse park in NYC.

This article on Gawker about the rediculousness of Gramercy Park is HILARIOUS


My love, my unhealthy obsession, my dear ScapeNY hit 3,000 impressions since the site was started. Thank you to all who read, peruse, or skip over completely my ramblings about this crazy ride called living in New York City. Please post more comments! I would love to hear from you (even though through some retarded Blogger BS I am not able to email you back). Thank you all!

- babs

Calvin Klein is Shit

There was definitely a pungent aroma wafting from the corner of 60th and Madison last night. Is Calvin Klein trying to tell us something about the design of the house's bags and shoes? I recommend the visual designer is fired on the spot for such a "shitty" window display. When I think of things people shit on, I definitely think of Calvin Klein.

Dr. Jacobs and Mr. Hyde

Am I the only one who misses the old, nerdy Marc Jacobs? I take class and sophistication over tans and tatoos any day.

Tubism: Cars = Utter Ridiculousness

I am a huge supporter of the arts and personal expression, but this is just ridiculous. While spending a glorious Sunday doing what I love best: strolling and observing the wild ride that is NYC, I happened upon two cars parked in Union Square with giant white tubing entwined in and around the vehicles. Of course, I had to take a picture. A fellow observer had a card that explained the "happening".

What If?
Tubisms: Cars - A Surreal Street Spectacle by Kathryne Hall (complete with NYC summer tour dates and other info)

Um, what if what? What if the Home Depot on 23rd street transformed itself into a Godzilla-like creature and reeked havoc on NYC autos, engulfing them in a knot of air conditioner duct tubing? What if NYC decided to use tubing as the new "boot" to embarrass parking ticket delinquents? I could go on, really. Also, I find it hard to describe a "surreal street spectacle" as something that people point and laugh at. Possibly a spectacle, yes, but I think this claim is a little over the top. I also don't think this would be considered 'surreal' by any art critic's discerning eye: think of Dali, Man Ray, Miro and their peers....tubes and cars are not quite fitting in this genre.

There will be an NYC summer tour of this traveling outdoor installation, so have fave fun! And please, by all means check the website for tour dates, updates and exact locations.

What If? Tubism: Cars by Kathryn Hall

Diablo Royale

Diablo Royale has officially dethroned my beloved El Rio Grande as my favorite Mexican restaurant in NYC. It's loud, it's rowdy, it has delicious guacamole, and sinful margaritas. Great Mexican food and a hellish environment complete with open windows in nice weather. I will definitely be frequenting this place. Get the appetizer chicken quesadillas to soak up some of that margarita along with guac and chips. I hear they have a margarita mixed with beer too...that is next on my list along with the roasted corn. Delish.

Diablo Royale - W 10th St @ W 4th St

Tom Ford: The Sexiest Man Alive

I have been obsessing over Tom Ford for the past 10 years or so (by far the longest crush of my life thus far), so I was absolutely loving his interview in NY Magazine. This man oozes sexiness, and not in a gross way, but in a way that makes you want to wear heels, paint your nails a sinful shade of red, and be fabulously classy. I love him (yes, I am well aware he is gay, but I can dream can't I?).

Tom Ford After Sex in NY Mag

A Long Way Down - Nick Hornby

I happened to pick up Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down while in Texas as a Borders 3 for the price of 2 special. I really had no previous expectations, but I did know that the author wrote the novel that spawned the movie About a Boy with Hugh. The movie was generally amusing, so I thought I would give it a whirl.

Here's the story in a nutshell: 4 depressed Londoners wind up on the roof of a building on New Year's Eve with the intention of committing suicide. They consist of Martin, a middle aged TV personality who has just gotten out of prison for sleeping with a 15 year old (not knowing her age) and is a laughing stock in the tabloids, Maureen, a woman who has spent the past 20 years caring for her incoherent and disabled son, Jess, a politician's daughter craving attention whose sister has recently disappeared, and JJ, an American in London who has just broken up with his band and lost his girl. The story takes twists and turns through the character's insecurities, annoyances, and misgivings. The quartet ultimately comes down from the roof, tries to figure out what is left in their lives to hold on to, and commits to take each day at time (all the while with that great dry British sense of humor). The story is told in the first person through each character's perspective which makes it a much more interesting read. However, I did find it annoying the author had the American, JJ, saying words like fortnight, wanker, etc....things that an American would never say in everyday conversation.

Overall, an entertainingly dark (considering how the four met) comedic novel with lots of wit and an overall message that no matter how bad you think things have gotten, wait three months to reevaluate your situation before you do anything irreversible.

A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby
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