Beauty Queen has reasoning ability of 6 year old

This is so completely embarrassing I just had to share. Kudos to the great state of South Carolina and their amazing educational system for giving birth to this amazingly awful answer to a question that one really can't get wrong. I just feel bad for this child. As stated in Billy Madison, we are all now less intelligent for hearing this answer.

Not Just for Tourists - Coney Island

Step right up, step right up folks! Come see the amazing wonderment that is Coney Island. Word on the street is that it's the last summer for this century-old playground so hop on the Q train and see it before it becomes luxury highrises. Granted, if not for the historical presence this dump would have been torn down a long time ago. It is full of creaky, old amusement park rides, creepy carnies, and a crowd mixed with tourists and the pickpockets who love them. Here are my top "to-dos" for your Coney Island trip.

1. You MUST go to the freak show/sideshow act. Sadly, this was the main reason I wanted to go out there. Who doesn't want to see a man drive a nail through his head, a firebreather, a sword swallower, or a dude with his face completely covered in hair who also happens to be a tightrope walker. Seriously, if you go to Coney Island for an hour this is what you have to do....this is Americana at its finest.

2. Get ready for the rush of nitrates and the smell of all things must have a Nathan's hotdog. Forget the pathetic stand on the boardwalk; go to the original location across the street from the subway stop (and closer to the freak show). The hotdogs are actually quite good and as my mom says, she like the dogs where the skin that snaps when you bite into it. Nasty, but critical in the hotdog experience. Stroll to the side of the building to check out the Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest wall of fame. Listen to your gastrointestinal tract churn as you read the number of dogs consumed. What I don't understand is how the hell the winning number went from like 9 in 1987 to 66 in 2007. What happened in 20 years that has allowed man to consume over 6 times the number of hot dogs in 12 minutes. Seriously, all you need is one.

3. Bring you swim suit and towel because the freak show and eating a hot dog will only take about an hour and 10 minutes....there is a beach at Coney Island. Granted the waves are miniscule and the sand is a bit industrial, but there are tons of beach volleyball courts, scantily clad co-eds and a wonderful boardwalk that stretches to Brighton Beach where you can pick up the Q and return to lovely Manhattan.

Celeb Sighting - Tori Spelling & Fam

Celeb Sighting - Tori Spelling with hubby Dean and little tot Liam walking down West Broadway this past Saturday. As a child of the 90210 generation, I loved this sighting. PS - Her husband is freaking HOT.....and no, I did not take this pic.

The Bourne Ultimatum

Go see The Bourne Ultimatum immediately. It's not the cliche summer action flick you are expecting; The Bourne series always has a great story, amazing locales, and this one doesn't have a sappy love interest (which is nice for once). Here is the jist: Jason realizes something has gone very wrong with the "program" he is involved in....he wants to find out who started it, and who made him the desensitized killing machine he has become. I love how they filmed a good chunk of the car chase when he is in the NYPD car in my 'hood. Just look for the shots of the Organic Market and Chipotle. Now I understand whey they basically shut down my street for 4 days filming that times they wouldn't even let anyone walk out of their apartments. ....Baby it's hot outside, so let Jason Bourne (aka David Webb) cool you off.

My New Toy

I have a new addition to my family......yesterday I brought home a mac. Endless hours of fun, procrastination and creativity are in my future. I am not exactly sure what this will mean for ScapeNY, but I am certain there will be funny pictures and movies of me at a bare minimum. Be prepared dear readers.....this is about to get muy caliente!

Mannequin Orgy on 5th Ave!

You never would guess what goes on behind the closed doors of the Kenneth Cole dressing room on 5th Ave. I noticed a strange door in the dressing room when I was there recently, and in my quest for constant amusement and curiosity I opened the door only to discover the seedy underground doings of a mannequin orgy in full force! Limbs, breasts, lumps, and pouches entwined in a naked soiree of plastic perfection. It's a good thing there weren't any child mannequins being exposed to this hidden nudist would have been necessary to alert the authorities immediately.

Celeb Sighting - Lisa Rinna

Lisa Rinna spotted at Broadway and 24th Street.
She is in NYC for a brief stint in the musical, Chicago, with her husband Harry Hamlin. I think she has had the same suburban Tony & Guy meets Sally Hershberger hair cut for the past decade, so if that didn't give it away, it was the freakishly inflated lips. It is painful to see those things in real life. It is like Angelina Jolie's mouth on steroids without chapstick (her lips are kinda wrinkly). Anyways, she has a great body so I will give her major props for that.

Sayonara Tarrytown!

Oh how bittersweet this last train ride back to the city is......

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