Call me crazy, but does anyone else see the similarity in Beyonce's "moves" and the new Sunsilk commercial where the girl has to get a neck brace from swinging her hair too hard? Maybe instead of whipping that mane around she should concentrate on where to place her feet on the stairs. I know everyone has eaten it before on a staircase (my crowning moment was a grand entrance into the Hammerstein Ballroom for a Jennifer Hudson concert), but at least I don't have a hundred people with cameras ready to document.
Fatties----not in Manhattan
America has an obesity problem? Seriously, I hardly ever see really fat people in Manhattan. Yes, I may sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen all day, but living in New York requires that you have to get off your ass and walk just to survive. Below is a normal day in NYC for me (and most New Yorkers). Normal tasks take on new meaning when you don't have a gas-guzzling SUV to haul you and your junk around.- Commuting: On my way to work I walk up and down 199 stairs each way (yes, I counted yesterday) for a grand total of 398 stairs a day including walking to and from the subway and train station. I am going to guess that most people get in their car that is parked in the attached garage and circle the parking lot at work to find the closest spot possible (if not pirate the visitors or handicapped parking space).
- The grocery store: Yep, I walk to the grocery store, buy my food for the week and carry my bags home. Thank god I live 5 minutes away from Whole Foods (I use to have to take the subway to the grocery store - more stairs), and at least I don't live in a walk-up. I probably end up burning off the bag of groceries before I consume it. Haha.
- Shopping: There is no mall in Manhattan, and the closest Target is either at 225th Street or in New Jersey. One-stop shopping is virtually unheard of....and that means one thing: walking...with shopping bags.
- Working out: Yes, after all that you must either walk or take the subway (which includes stairs) to the gym. It's a nice little warm up, especially in the winter.
The SATC lifestyle of taking cabs everywhere gets really expensive really fast, so I would venture to say that most of us either use public trans or hoof it. Granted, you do hear freak stories of people having to be removed from their apartments with a crane, but for the most part people are quite slim here. I am sure it helps that a bag of groceries will run you $30. Gotta love Manhattan, kids.
Wonderful Electrician in NYC
Renting in NYC means shady landlords, old buildings, unattractive light fixtures, and the dreaded window-unit air conditioner. Coming from Texas, I had no idea buildings had anything but central air....boy was I wrong. My climate controlled life had swiftly come to an end. My ceiling fan had been broken for months, so as we are dragged kicking and screaming into the dog days of summer, I had to get the fan fixed pronto.After being stood up twice by my roommate's mother's electrician, I got the number of a great guy from a friend who had just had dimmers and overhead fixtures installed in his apartment. Adi, the electrician, was completely friendly, un-creepy, and did a wonderful job (he even went to Home Depot with me to pick out a new fan so I got the right model). Superb customer service, punctual, and friendly....if you need an electrician in Manhattan, this is your go-to guy.
Adi "Electrician Extraordinaire" - 917-547-8720
My Lip Gloss is Poppin!
In honor of my fabulous friend Jordan's song du jour, here is a spoof on Lil Mama's song Lip Gloss....sticking with this week's tranny theme, of course. HIT IT!
Tranny - No Match
Ok, so no match with the case of the bi-coastal trannies. I received a picture of my friend's brother's friend's tranny girlfriend who we thought was the same person as my friend, Hot Tranny. Turns out there are many more exotic lady-boys out there than you think. Guys, next time you sidle up to that cutie at the bar....that girl who looks extremely hot but has obviously had a lot of work done....think twice before you get too close. She may be packing a surprise you never imagined in your wildest dreams.
Tranny Update
One of my most randomly met friends ever (I will post the amazing story TBD) was in town last night, and we went to La Focaccia for dinner on W 4th. On our walk down we were catching up since we had not seen each other in about a year, and of course he asked me to tell him crazy stories of what was going on with me. Of course I proceeded to tell him the craziest story of all, the Tranny Party Epic. He was amazed at this story (especially how we caught our married friend) and went on to tell his own tranny story....I guess everyone has a tranny story. Turns out his brother's uber-preppy friend is dating a tranny porn star. When I mentioned what my tranny friend's name was he immediately gave me a strange look, "that is what his girlfriend's name is" he said. STRANGE. So I proceeded to ramble off a number of defining characteristics such as where she lives, what she looks like, etc, and they all checked out. I would absolutely love it if my tranny friend was dating his brother's friend. What a coincidence. CRAZY. I immediately emailed him pictures this morning to get a visual confirmation. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED!!!
I Wonder if This Job is Paid Hourly?
I was perusing through my Monster job alert email, when I came across this gem of an HR nightmare: Title - Market Research ANAL. It's a good thing the company is confidential....unless they are a producer of laxatives, enemas, or products skewed towards gay males. Someone's getting fired over this one. Hahah.Click on the image to get a better view.
One Piece Suit
I am officially an adult. For the first time since I was 8 years old I have bought a one-piece swimsuit. I am going to my colleague's home upstate for her annual pool/bbq/fun-in-the-sun party. Now, I love skimpy suits, but there is definitely a time and a place for those things....and I plan on stuffing my face with burgers, drinking cocktails all day, and I can't really be bothered with the attention a bikini needs. Sooooo I got the hottest one-piece I could find at American Apparel: sexy, yet covered....cut outs in all the right places... This suit makes me want to wear heels at the pool and have a cabana boy by rub me down with SPF 30 (no tanning oil for this broad....wrinkles are not hot).The Suit
Posh and Becks Take on W Mag - HOT
I think little Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham, has ousted her own husband as sexiest human. The Steven Klein photos in the August 07 issue of W are nothing less than sultry, sweaty, and voyeuristic. Seems like she is channeling a bit of Edie Sedgewick grit and Liz Taylor glam. Can you imagine that she has pushed two kiddies out of that body?? Now that is what I call good genes....and an endless supply of money to make yourself hot. Gorgeous! Now if only we could get David Beckham to lighten up on the tats....he looks like he came straight from either a prison yard or a trailer park. See all the pics on Style.com
New Fav Blogs
These are must reads in the endless quest for work-day procrastination. How can I be expected to get anything done when I can look at hilarious photo documentation of gay Fire Island shenanigans and read about the happenings radiating from the corner of Greenwich @ Bank? It makes me even more depressed that I must suffer through the recycled air and unflattering light of the cube....at least I can add a little entertainment and faggotry to my incredibly straight work day. Love it!
Gayz of Our Lives
Stoop News
Gayz of Our Lives
Stoop News
Fireworks
For those of you who missed the 4th of July fireworks in NYC because of rain you can get a quick recap below. There is nothing like watching fireworks from the top of a high-rise and managing to hold an umbrella, cocktail, and camera at the same time. Too bad I can't lay in a track of the Star Spangled Banner (or Madonna's I Love New York) in the background. Sad thing is that it's hard to tell whether we are celebrating the birth of our nation or getting attacked by a sect of gay terrorists (more glitter!!)....I need to get a better camera.
Parker Posey is my hero.
She hit the nail right on the head with this quote. Now that I have reached the ripe old age of 25 I have entered into single spinster-dom according to my comrades in the South. Wake up people, you get way better wedding gifts if you wait to get married in your 30's when you friends actually have some disposable income. The North is soooo different. I love it. "I wanted to leave the South when I was 11 years old. I was a ballerina, and I just knew I wanted to do something. I didn’t want to grow up and get married and have a family at the age of 18 or 21. I wanted to do things. It’s very different down South where you have more of that. I’m from Monroe, Louisiana, and you’re kind of a freak when you actually want to do something with your life.”
Disturbed
Is it wrong I am disturbed by the fact that over 240 people have viewed my dancing she-male tranny video on YouTube in the past 4 days??? I don't know if that is a lot or not, but considering the ba-gillions of videos on YouTube it seems high. Hmmmmmmm.
Tranny Party - An Epic Tale
I have said it before, and I will say it again: there is something for everybody in NYC. Here is the background: one of my best gays use to have a tranny as a roommate. For those of you not in the know, a tranny is not a cross-dresser but one who has really kicked it up a notch and has opted for plastic surgery and may or may not have had a sex change. So, my friend's old roommate (we will call her Hot Tranny from here on out) was hosting this tranny party at the seediest bar I have ever been to at 31st and Madison. A group of 5 of us (3 gays 2 straights) really had no idea what to expect and thought at a minimum it would be good for a few laughs, some free drinks, and we could at least say hi to Hot Tranny who is fierce and fabulous in her silicone infused glory.We showed up around 11:30 (before Hot Tranny) and had to entertain ourselves for about 15 minutes before we were allowed in the back VIP section. Along the perimeter of the room was a line of the most awkward looking, unattractive men I have ever seen. The weirdos come out of the woodwork for events like this, I guess. The one thing I thought very strange was that these guys were straight. Now, I pride myself in running with a pack of extremely attractive gay men and none of the bystanders even gave them a glance. They were mesmerized by the she-males.
All the sudden Hot Tranny emerged and we were whisked back to the VIP room where $3 bottles of Andre champagne were popped and Grey Goose bottles filled with Svedka were unleashed. While we were observing the spectacle that is Hot Tranny work the room, the VIP area slowly started to fill with guys who had paid $150 a ticket to be graced with her presence. When I say VIP room I am sure you think of Marquee or Bungalow...a special jewel of a room; a den of iniquity and inebriation for the chosen few. This VIP room mirrored one you might find in Eastern Europe with oscillating floor fans bolted to the ceilings, exposed wiring, duct tape mended Ikea couches, and a plywood riser for the 'ladies' to dance on. While Hot Tranny was easily the queen of the party, the other trannies looked like men with fake boobs (not hot). Although, one actually looked a little like Salma Hayek and there was another who mirrored a 1980's Annie Lenoxx. As it turns out the trannies were not there to be gawked at like creatures in the zoo, but to line up their tricks for the night and meet with their 'clients'. I use the term clients very loosely as these ladies were obviously not doing any type of taxes, interior design, or practicing law.
After cheap vodka and even cheaper champagne it was time to make a trip to the girls room.....or what actually was the tranny staging area. The women's bathroom was teeming with trannies in various stages of makeup and undress. The bathroom attendant quickly ushered them out (as there were no doors on the stalls, and they are in fact guys) so we could pee. My roommate and I were given our 5-square ration of toilet paper from the attendant then finally were able to have a brief reprieve from the scene outside the bolted door.
Back in the VIP room, the trannies danced on the box, flirted with gross guys, but my roommate and I noticed a quite handsome man enter the VIP area. Well dressed, straight looking, very attractive, and a little familiar......Hot Tranny went over immediately and started to talk him up. My friend Todd looks up and goes "OH MY GOD THAT IS HAROLD*!!!"(name has been changed to protect the guilty) Todd and I had met Harold* at a few high society house parties a while back, and while there was always an aire of questionable sexuality from him, he was in fact married to a woman (although we know that doesn't mean a damn thing). After Hot Tranny was done chatting we called her over and began the interrogation to make sure it was the same guy. Turns out it WAS this guy Harold, and he is in fact one of Hot Tranny's 'clients'. O-M-G what does one do with information like this???? His poor wife! I can not even imagine finding out that your husband is cheating on you with a chick who has a penis. I can't! Harold noticed us dying in the corner and quickly houdini'd out of the place. Todd texted him later to ask what he was up to, and he promptly replied that he was having dinner at Pastis...ya if by Pastis you mean cheating on your wife with a tranny, then I guess so. Can you imagine showing up somewhere like that in a very compromising environment where you think you will never be discovered....only to find two people who know you.
After that things were getting a little out of hand....lap dances, really mannish trannies, etc. so it was definitely time to jet. The gays and straights alike in our group were all a little fazed by the Harold incident, and it was time to get outta there. Oh kids, just another night in New York City. As I always say....I just can't make this stuff up.
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