Fat-Asses of the World Unite!

Does the thought of narrow stadium seats make you cringe? The thought of hard plastic cutting into your flesh, muffin tops spilling over the arm rests to the horror and dismay of your neighbors? Well fear not fatties, organizers of the 2012 Olympics in London are accomodating you by ordering wider seats for the stadiums. I find this raises a serious question though...Should society condone this "flabberization" of its population?

Check out the article:
Do Bigger Chairs Make Bigger Butts

Raisin Face takes on the Devil who wears Prada

Raisin-face Rachel Zoe is at it again....getting a little too big for her size 00 britches. This time she has taken on my beloved Anna Wintour, Vogue editor and basically the compass of the fashion industry. Guess what honey, the trailer trash that reads US Weekly (where your clients are most prominently featured) want's to find your picks at H&M or Forever 21. Anna on the other hand is a style beacon, a lighthouse in the monstrous sea of designers transcending fashion, celebrity, and philanthropy. Zoe needs to get herself back in line immediately. Speaking of lines.....learn something from Anna, and cover up those canyons with some bangs.

WWD
Published: Thursday, September 13, 2007
WHO’S BIGGER?: Rachel Zoe has never been known for having a small ego, but who knew she considered herself the most important woman in fashion. “Anna Wintour is one of my heroes, but they say I’m more influential,” Zoe tells Lynn Hirschberg in this Sunday’s issue of The New York Times Magazine. “As great as it is, Vogue won’t change a designer’s business. But if an unknown brand is worn by a certain person in a tabloid, it will be the biggest designer within a week.”

Arrogant? Perhaps. But she’s certainly making a comparable salary to the famed editor in chief. According to Hirschberg, the stylist makes roughly $6,000 a day, which is generally paid for by the movie studios when her clients have movies to promote for them. And others are clearly interested in her services as well, among them the Bravo network, which is reportedly in talks with Zoe about doing a show for them. — Jacob Bernstein

Who wants to be the next Paris Hilton???

Ah, the continued downfall and deterioration of our society. Speaking of society....this is exactly the thing future Paris's and Niclole's of the world need to propel them into the limelight (DUI, jail time, and pregnancy are so hot right now). Truthfully, any socialite worth her salt doesn't need a reality TV show to make it happen for herself, and anyone with a reputable family would be locked in the dungeon of the estate before going on a TV show like this. My prediction is that it will be littered with d-list socialites and the hanger's on who wish they were.....makes for good TV though since they are hungry to claw their way to the top and obviously must whore themeslves out to do so.

PS - My guess is that the "reigning socialite princess" is none other than our nemisis, Tinsley Mortimer

Date: Mon, 10 Sep 2007 13:59:54
To:"Avo Yermagyan"
Subject: ANNOUNCING NATIONWIDE SEARCH FOR SOCIETY GIRLS LOOKING TO BECOME THE NEXT "IT GIRL" -
Gaudy PR


Please see the Press Release, included below:
____________________________________

For Immediate Release

ANNOUNCING NATIONWIDE SEARCH FOR SOCIETY GIRLS
LOOKING TO BECOME THE NEXT "IT GIRL"

(September 2007) Beverly Hills, CA - Doron Ofir Casting, in
association with The Mottola Company and 25/7 Productions have begun
casting for a fierce new television series searching for America's
most ambitious, driven, stylish, and socially conscious young
debutantes of pedigree, who wish to propel their careers and causes
onto the world stage, while being led by New York's reigning socialite
princess.

This exclusive invitation is being presented to America's elite
debutantes and is the chance that every aspiring "it girl" dreams of.
"I'm excited to bring this coveted opportunity to these aspiring it
girls across the nation..." said Doron Ofir, President of Doron Ofir
Casting, when asked about the search, he continues, "...We are seeking
the future female leaders who will reign with unstoppable zeal,
unprecedented style, and an unwavering dedication to philanthropy.
These upwardly-mobile young women should be at least 21 years of age,
appear under 26, and have the determination to make their mark on the
most important social scene in the world, New York City. This is not
an open casting call. This is for a very select few".

The yet to be revealed society powerhouse, New York's reigning
socialite princess, will choose one exemplary protege out of 10
formidable ingenues, to be awarded this life changing experience. The
special girl will network her way through New York City's social
labyrinth and get on the radar by impressing the judges with her
sophistication, beauty, and social awareness. By joining this
exclusive Manhattan Sorority, she will be invited to the city's most
glamorous happenings and events, coiffed and styled by the best, and
have the chance to secure her place in the world of high society,
deeming her worthy of the sought after title of "It Girl".

For more information on this search, to be considered as a
participant, or to nominate a friend, please visit:
www.societygirlcasting.com

For additional inquiries, please e-mail: societygirlcasting@gmail.com
or contact Paisley Baker, Doron Ofir Casting: 310.467.3007.

###

Cheers!

Avo Yermagyan
Gaudy PR

Soho Art Parade

If you do nothing else this weekend chisel out some time around 4pm on Saturday to head down to Soho for the Deitch Projects Art Parade. It is wild, crazy, hillarious, and oh so much fun; costumes and artistic performances abound. I promise not to dissapoint. I just happened to come across this event last summer, and once I knew the date of the 2007 parade I actually put it in my day planner so I would not miss it. This is the event to close the summer, dear readers....don't miss it.

Deitch Projects Art Parade - Saturday, Sept 8th @ 4pm
Parade goes down West Broadway from Houston to Grand

Free Eats on the LES

Best deal in the city for those on a shoestring budget.....or those who have been shopped out of house and home by the end of the Barneys Warehouse Sale (as I was this past weekend). I will literally be an old woman who lived in her shoes, but thanks to the new Whole Foods on Houston and Bowrey I will be able to feast on all the free samples at the Wednesday night "Block Party". That's right, from 6-8pm every Wednesday give your palate a workout and your pocketbook a rest. Delve into culinary delights such as exotic cheese, sweets, breads, and meats. All food groups are represented so get thee to Whole Foods and have a well balanced meal on them!

Beauty Queen has reasoning ability of 6 year old

This is so completely embarrassing I just had to share. Kudos to the great state of South Carolina and their amazing educational system for giving birth to this amazingly awful answer to a question that one really can't get wrong. I just feel bad for this child. As stated in Billy Madison, we are all now less intelligent for hearing this answer.

Not Just for Tourists - Coney Island

Step right up, step right up folks! Come see the amazing wonderment that is Coney Island. Word on the street is that it's the last summer for this century-old playground so hop on the Q train and see it before it becomes luxury highrises. Granted, if not for the historical presence this dump would have been torn down a long time ago. It is full of creaky, old amusement park rides, creepy carnies, and a crowd mixed with tourists and the pickpockets who love them. Here are my top "to-dos" for your Coney Island trip.

1. You MUST go to the freak show/sideshow act. Sadly, this was the main reason I wanted to go out there. Who doesn't want to see a man drive a nail through his head, a firebreather, a sword swallower, or a dude with his face completely covered in hair who also happens to be a tightrope walker. Seriously, if you go to Coney Island for an hour this is what you have to do....this is Americana at its finest.

2. Get ready for the rush of nitrates and the smell of all things fried...you must have a Nathan's hotdog. Forget the pathetic stand on the boardwalk; go to the original location across the street from the subway stop (and closer to the freak show). The hotdogs are actually quite good and as my mom says, she like the dogs where the skin that snaps when you bite into it. Nasty, but critical in the hotdog experience. Stroll to the side of the building to check out the Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest wall of fame. Listen to your gastrointestinal tract churn as you read the number of dogs consumed. What I don't understand is how the hell the winning number went from like 9 in 1987 to 66 in 2007. What happened in 20 years that has allowed man to consume over 6 times the number of hot dogs in 12 minutes. Seriously, all you need is one.

3. Bring you swim suit and towel because the freak show and eating a hot dog will only take about an hour and 10 minutes....there is a beach at Coney Island. Granted the waves are miniscule and the sand is a bit industrial, but there are tons of beach volleyball courts, scantily clad co-eds and a wonderful boardwalk that stretches to Brighton Beach where you can pick up the Q and return to lovely Manhattan.

www.coneyisland.com

Celeb Sighting - Tori Spelling & Fam

Celeb Sighting - Tori Spelling with hubby Dean and little tot Liam walking down West Broadway this past Saturday. As a child of the 90210 generation, I loved this sighting. PS - Her husband is freaking HOT.....and no, I did not take this pic.

The Bourne Ultimatum

Go see The Bourne Ultimatum immediately. It's not the cliche summer action flick you are expecting; The Bourne series always has a great story, amazing locales, and this one doesn't have a sappy love interest (which is nice for once). Here is the jist: Jason realizes something has gone very wrong with the "program" he is involved in....he wants to find out who started it, and who made him the desensitized killing machine he has become. I love how they filmed a good chunk of the car chase when he is in the NYPD car in my 'hood. Just look for the shots of the Organic Market and Chipotle. Now I understand whey they basically shut down my street for 4 days filming that thing.....at times they wouldn't even let anyone walk out of their apartments. ....Baby it's hot outside, so let Jason Bourne (aka David Webb) cool you off.

My New Toy

I have a new addition to my family......yesterday I brought home a mac. Endless hours of fun, procrastination and creativity are in my future. I am not exactly sure what this will mean for ScapeNY, but I am certain there will be funny pictures and movies of me at a bare minimum. Be prepared dear readers.....this is about to get muy caliente!

Mannequin Orgy on 5th Ave!

You never would guess what goes on behind the closed doors of the Kenneth Cole dressing room on 5th Ave. I noticed a strange door in the dressing room when I was there recently, and in my quest for constant amusement and curiosity I opened the door only to discover the seedy underground doings of a mannequin orgy in full force! Limbs, breasts, lumps, and pouches entwined in a naked soiree of plastic perfection. It's a good thing there weren't any child mannequins being exposed to this hidden nudist colony...it would have been necessary to alert the authorities immediately.

Celeb Sighting - Lisa Rinna

Lisa Rinna spotted at Broadway and 24th Street.

She is in NYC for a brief stint in the musical, Chicago, with her husband Harry Hamlin. I think she has had the same suburban Tony & Guy meets Sally Hershberger hair cut for the past decade, so if that didn't give it away, it was the freakishly inflated lips. It is painful to see those things in real life. It is like Angelina Jolie's mouth on steroids without chapstick (her lips are kinda wrinkly). Anyways, she has a great body so I will give her major props for that.

Sayonara Tarrytown!

Oh how bittersweet this last train ride back to the city is......

Beyonce's Orlando Face Plant

Call me crazy, but does anyone else see the similarity in Beyonce's "moves" and the new Sunsilk commercial where the girl has to get a neck brace from swinging her hair too hard? Maybe instead of whipping that mane around she should concentrate on where to place her feet on the stairs. I know everyone has eaten it before on a staircase (my crowning moment was a grand entrance into the Hammerstein Ballroom for a Jennifer Hudson concert), but at least I don't have a hundred people with cameras ready to document.

Fatties----not in Manhattan

America has an obesity problem? Seriously, I hardly ever see really fat people in Manhattan. Yes, I may sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen all day, but living in New York requires that you have to get off your ass and walk just to survive. Below is a normal day in NYC for me (and most New Yorkers). Normal tasks take on new meaning when you don't have a gas-guzzling SUV to haul you and your junk around.

- Commuting: On my way to work I walk up and down 199 stairs each way (yes, I counted yesterday) for a grand total of 398 stairs a day including walking to and from the subway and train station. I am going to guess that most people get in their car that is parked in the attached garage and circle the parking lot at work to find the closest spot possible (if not pirate the visitors or handicapped parking space).

- The grocery store: Yep, I walk to the grocery store, buy my food for the week and carry my bags home. Thank god I live 5 minutes away from Whole Foods (I use to have to take the subway to the grocery store - more stairs), and at least I don't live in a walk-up. I probably end up burning off the bag of groceries before I consume it. Haha.

- Shopping: There is no mall in Manhattan, and the closest Target is either at 225th Street or in New Jersey. One-stop shopping is virtually unheard of....and that means one thing: walking...with shopping bags.

- Working out: Yes, after all that you must either walk or take the subway (which includes stairs) to the gym. It's a nice little warm up, especially in the winter.

The SATC lifestyle of taking cabs everywhere gets really expensive really fast, so I would venture to say that most of us either use public trans or hoof it. Granted, you do hear freak stories of people having to be removed from their apartments with a crane, but for the most part people are quite slim here. I am sure it helps that a bag of groceries will run you $30. Gotta love Manhattan, kids.

My biggest fear....

My biggest fear splashed across the pages of NY Magazine.

Wonderful Electrician in NYC

Renting in NYC means shady landlords, old buildings, unattractive light fixtures, and the dreaded window-unit air conditioner. Coming from Texas, I had no idea buildings had anything but central air....boy was I wrong. My climate controlled life had swiftly come to an end. My ceiling fan had been broken for months, so as we are dragged kicking and screaming into the dog days of summer, I had to get the fan fixed pronto.

After being stood up twice by my roommate's mother's electrician, I got the number of a great guy from a friend who had just had dimmers and overhead fixtures installed in his apartment. Adi, the electrician, was completely friendly, un-creepy, and did a wonderful job (he even went to Home Depot with me to pick out a new fan so I got the right model). Superb customer service, punctual, and friendly....if you need an electrician in Manhattan, this is your go-to guy.

Adi "Electrician Extraordinaire" - 917-547-8720

My Lip Gloss is Poppin!

In honor of my fabulous friend Jordan's song du jour, here is a spoof on Lil Mama's song Lip Gloss....sticking with this week's tranny theme, of course. HIT IT!

Tranny - No Match

Ok, so no match with the case of the bi-coastal trannies. I received a picture of my friend's brother's friend's tranny girlfriend who we thought was the same person as my friend, Hot Tranny. Turns out there are many more exotic lady-boys out there than you think. Guys, next time you sidle up to that cutie at the bar....that girl who looks extremely hot but has obviously had a lot of work done....think twice before you get too close. She may be packing a surprise you never imagined in your wildest dreams.

Tranny Update

One of my most randomly met friends ever (I will post the amazing story TBD) was in town last night, and we went to La Focaccia for dinner on W 4th. On our walk down we were catching up since we had not seen each other in about a year, and of course he asked me to tell him crazy stories of what was going on with me. Of course I proceeded to tell him the craziest story of all, the Tranny Party Epic. He was amazed at this story (especially how we caught our married friend) and went on to tell his own tranny story....I guess everyone has a tranny story. Turns out his brother's uber-preppy friend is dating a tranny porn star. When I mentioned what my tranny friend's name was he immediately gave me a strange look, "that is what his girlfriend's name is" he said. STRANGE. So I proceeded to ramble off a number of defining characteristics such as where she lives, what she looks like, etc, and they all checked out. I would absolutely love it if my tranny friend was dating his brother's friend. What a coincidence. CRAZY. I immediately emailed him pictures this morning to get a visual confirmation. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED!!!