Attempted Vehicular Manslaughter...or was it

My friend Stu sent me an email about this, and it was way too good not to post. Only in NY kids, only in NY.

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS A TRUE STORY. ALL OF IT. So this morning was a little different to say the least. I'm sleeping down at Emi's place on Fordham Road in the Bronx when I'm blown awake at 4am by the sound of my car alarm. In what seemed like one full motion, I jump out of bed, over Emily, and run out to the balcony that overlooks Southern Boulevard. I see my BMW, lights flashing, car alarm sounding off and nobody around. I quickly glance around for a suspect on the empty street and just as I'm about to head back in and slowly make my way down to check things out...I see a dark hooded figure emerge from the shadows behind the van next to my car and take off on a bicycle! I'm PISSED. I don't even need to think...I grab my keys, throw on a pair of shorts and fly down the stairs, blowing through the front door. I run across the street and jump in my car. I unlock the Club on my steering wheel annnd that's when I see that the passenger window is smashed to pieces all over my car. OH NOOO he DIDN'T. I turn the car on, pull a U'ey and head east-bound at about 60mph on Southern Bld. I see the jerk on his bicycle trying to get away and think to myself "I can't chase him on foot cause even if I catch him, he might have a weapon...sooo I'm gonna run him down and hit him with my car, THEN get out and hold him till the cops come." Welll the cops came alright! I hit a red light on my pursuit of the villain and decided to run it in order to better my chances of a solid catch...apparently at that exact moment I didn't see the squad car come ripping around the corner about a block away and catch up to me, trying to pull me over...I pulled over and flagged him down yelled to him that the guy on the bike was getting away and he just broke into my car. The officer bought the story and called for backup...within seconds 3 cars came around the corner and and officer tackled the guy and put him against the car, emptying his pockets...annnd there were my sunglasses! Yeah, HE went to jail. Now I have to go press charges today instead of going to jail for attempted vehicular manslaughter...I suppose I'll cope ;) Emily slept through the whole thing. As for my Beamer...she has 1 broken window and he tried to tear out the center console to get my DVD player he found covered up my my sweatshirt (guess that didn't work). he office told me he had pulled me over for speeding, running a red light, and driving with my headlights off...guess I was too amped to remember that minor night-time driving safety detail :/