This is so completely embarrassing I just had to share. Kudos to the great state of South Carolina and their amazing educational system for giving birth to this amazingly awful answer to a question that one really can't get wrong. I just feel bad for this child. As stated in Billy Madison, we are all now less intelligent for hearing this answer.
Not Just for Tourists - Coney Island
Step right up, step right up folks! Come see the amazing wonderment that is Coney Island. Word on the street is that it's the last summer for this century-old playground so hop on the Q train and see it before it becomes luxury highrises. Granted, if not for the historical presence this dump would have been torn down a long time ago. It is full of creaky, old amusement park rides, creepy carnies, and a crowd mixed with tourists and the pickpockets who love them. Here are my top "to-dos" for your Coney Island trip.
1. You MUST go to the freak show/sideshow act. Sadly, this was the main reason I wanted to go out there. Who doesn't want to see a man drive a nail through his head, a firebreather, a sword swallower, or a dude with his face completely covered in hair who also happens to be a tightrope walker. Seriously, if you go to Coney Island for an hour this is what you have to do....this is Americana at its finest.
2. Get ready for the rush of nitrates and the smell of all things fried...you must have a Nathan's hotdog. Forget the pathetic stand on the boardwalk; go to the original location across the street from the subway stop (and closer to the freak show). The hotdogs are actually quite good and as my mom says, she like the dogs where the skin that snaps when you bite into it. Nasty, but critical in the hotdog experience. Stroll to the side of the building to check out the Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest wall of fame. Listen to your gastrointestinal tract churn as you read the number of dogs consumed. What I don't understand is how the hell the winning number went from like 9 in 1987 to 66 in 2007. What happened in 20 years that has allowed man to consume over 6 times the number of hot dogs in 12 minutes. Seriously, all you need is one.
3. Bring you swim suit and towel because the freak show and eating a hot dog will only take about an hour and 10 minutes....there is a beach at Coney Island. Granted the waves are miniscule and the sand is a bit industrial, but there are tons of beach volleyball courts, scantily clad co-eds and a wonderful boardwalk that stretches to Brighton Beach where you can pick up the Q and return to lovely Manhattan.
www.coneyisland.com
Celeb Sighting - Tori Spelling & Fam
Celeb Sighting - Tori Spelling with hubby Dean and little tot Liam walking down West Broadway this past Saturday. As a child of the 90210 generation, I loved this sighting. PS - Her husband is freaking HOT.....and no, I did not take this pic.
The Bourne Ultimatum
Go see The Bourne Ultimatum immediately. It's not the cliche summer action flick you are expecting; The Bourne series always has a great story, amazing locales, and this one doesn't have a sappy love interest (which is nice for once). Here is the jist: Jason realizes something has gone very wrong with the "program" he is involved in....he wants to find out who started it, and who made him the desensitized killing machine he has become. I love how they filmed a good chunk of the car chase when he is in the NYPD car in my 'hood. Just look for the shots of the Organic Market and Chipotle. Now I understand whey they basically shut down my street for 4 days filming that thing.....at times they wouldn't even let anyone walk out of their apartments. ....Baby it's hot outside, so let Jason Bourne (aka David Webb) cool you off.
My New Toy
I have a new addition to my family......yesterday I brought home a mac. Endless hours of fun, procrastination and creativity are in my future. I am not exactly sure what this will mean for ScapeNY, but I am certain there will be funny pictures and movies of me at a bare minimum. Be prepared dear readers.....this is about to get muy caliente!
Mannequin Orgy on 5th Ave!
You never would guess what goes on behind the closed doors of the Kenneth Cole dressing room on 5th Ave. I noticed a strange door in the dressing room when I was there recently, and in my quest for constant amusement and curiosity I opened the door only to discover the seedy underground doings of a mannequin orgy in full force! Limbs, breasts, lumps, and pouches entwined in a naked soiree of plastic perfection. It's a good thing there weren't any child mannequins being exposed to this hidden nudist colony...it would have been necessary to alert the authorities immediately. Celeb Sighting - Lisa Rinna
Lisa Rinna spotted at Broadway and 24th Street. She is in NYC for a brief stint in the musical, Chicago, with her husband Harry Hamlin. I think she has had the same suburban Tony & Guy meets Sally Hershberger hair cut for the past decade, so if that didn't give it away, it was the freakishly inflated lips. It is painful to see those things in real life. It is like Angelina Jolie's mouth on steroids without chapstick (her lips are kinda wrinkly). Anyways, she has a great body so I will give her major props for that.
Beyonce's Orlando Face Plant
Call me crazy, but does anyone else see the similarity in Beyonce's "moves" and the new Sunsilk commercial where the girl has to get a neck brace from swinging her hair too hard? Maybe instead of whipping that mane around she should concentrate on where to place her feet on the stairs. I know everyone has eaten it before on a staircase (my crowning moment was a grand entrance into the Hammerstein Ballroom for a Jennifer Hudson concert), but at least I don't have a hundred people with cameras ready to document.
Fatties----not in Manhattan
America has an obesity problem? Seriously, I hardly ever see really fat people in Manhattan. Yes, I may sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen all day, but living in New York requires that you have to get off your ass and walk just to survive. Below is a normal day in NYC for me (and most New Yorkers). Normal tasks take on new meaning when you don't have a gas-guzzling SUV to haul you and your junk around.- Commuting: On my way to work I walk up and down 199 stairs each way (yes, I counted yesterday) for a grand total of 398 stairs a day including walking to and from the subway and train station. I am going to guess that most people get in their car that is parked in the attached garage and circle the parking lot at work to find the closest spot possible (if not pirate the visitors or handicapped parking space).
- The grocery store: Yep, I walk to the grocery store, buy my food for the week and carry my bags home. Thank god I live 5 minutes away from Whole Foods (I use to have to take the subway to the grocery store - more stairs), and at least I don't live in a walk-up. I probably end up burning off the bag of groceries before I consume it. Haha.
- Shopping: There is no mall in Manhattan, and the closest Target is either at 225th Street or in New Jersey. One-stop shopping is virtually unheard of....and that means one thing: walking...with shopping bags.
- Working out: Yes, after all that you must either walk or take the subway (which includes stairs) to the gym. It's a nice little warm up, especially in the winter.
The SATC lifestyle of taking cabs everywhere gets really expensive really fast, so I would venture to say that most of us either use public trans or hoof it. Granted, you do hear freak stories of people having to be removed from their apartments with a crane, but for the most part people are quite slim here. I am sure it helps that a bag of groceries will run you $30. Gotta love Manhattan, kids.
Wonderful Electrician in NYC
Renting in NYC means shady landlords, old buildings, unattractive light fixtures, and the dreaded window-unit air conditioner. Coming from Texas, I had no idea buildings had anything but central air....boy was I wrong. My climate controlled life had swiftly come to an end. My ceiling fan had been broken for months, so as we are dragged kicking and screaming into the dog days of summer, I had to get the fan fixed pronto.After being stood up twice by my roommate's mother's electrician, I got the number of a great guy from a friend who had just had dimmers and overhead fixtures installed in his apartment. Adi, the electrician, was completely friendly, un-creepy, and did a wonderful job (he even went to Home Depot with me to pick out a new fan so I got the right model). Superb customer service, punctual, and friendly....if you need an electrician in Manhattan, this is your go-to guy.
Adi "Electrician Extraordinaire" - 917-547-8720
My Lip Gloss is Poppin!
In honor of my fabulous friend Jordan's song du jour, here is a spoof on Lil Mama's song Lip Gloss....sticking with this week's tranny theme, of course. HIT IT!
Tranny - No Match
Ok, so no match with the case of the bi-coastal trannies. I received a picture of my friend's brother's friend's tranny girlfriend who we thought was the same person as my friend, Hot Tranny. Turns out there are many more exotic lady-boys out there than you think. Guys, next time you sidle up to that cutie at the bar....that girl who looks extremely hot but has obviously had a lot of work done....think twice before you get too close. She may be packing a surprise you never imagined in your wildest dreams.
Tranny Update
One of my most randomly met friends ever (I will post the amazing story TBD) was in town last night, and we went to La Focaccia for dinner on W 4th. On our walk down we were catching up since we had not seen each other in about a year, and of course he asked me to tell him crazy stories of what was going on with me. Of course I proceeded to tell him the craziest story of all, the Tranny Party Epic. He was amazed at this story (especially how we caught our married friend) and went on to tell his own tranny story....I guess everyone has a tranny story. Turns out his brother's uber-preppy friend is dating a tranny porn star. When I mentioned what my tranny friend's name was he immediately gave me a strange look, "that is what his girlfriend's name is" he said. STRANGE. So I proceeded to ramble off a number of defining characteristics such as where she lives, what she looks like, etc, and they all checked out. I would absolutely love it if my tranny friend was dating his brother's friend. What a coincidence. CRAZY. I immediately emailed him pictures this morning to get a visual confirmation. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED!!!
I Wonder if This Job is Paid Hourly?
I was perusing through my Monster job alert email, when I came across this gem of an HR nightmare: Title - Market Research ANAL. It's a good thing the company is confidential....unless they are a producer of laxatives, enemas, or products skewed towards gay males. Someone's getting fired over this one. Hahah.Click on the image to get a better view.
One Piece Suit
I am officially an adult. For the first time since I was 8 years old I have bought a one-piece swimsuit. I am going to my colleague's home upstate for her annual pool/bbq/fun-in-the-sun party. Now, I love skimpy suits, but there is definitely a time and a place for those things....and I plan on stuffing my face with burgers, drinking cocktails all day, and I can't really be bothered with the attention a bikini needs. Sooooo I got the hottest one-piece I could find at American Apparel: sexy, yet covered....cut outs in all the right places... This suit makes me want to wear heels at the pool and have a cabana boy by rub me down with SPF 30 (no tanning oil for this broad....wrinkles are not hot).The Suit
Posh and Becks Take on W Mag - HOT
I think little Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham, has ousted her own husband as sexiest human. The Steven Klein photos in the August 07 issue of W are nothing less than sultry, sweaty, and voyeuristic. Seems like she is channeling a bit of Edie Sedgewick grit and Liz Taylor glam. Can you imagine that she has pushed two kiddies out of that body?? Now that is what I call good genes....and an endless supply of money to make yourself hot. Gorgeous! Now if only we could get David Beckham to lighten up on the tats....he looks like he came straight from either a prison yard or a trailer park. See all the pics on Style.com
New Fav Blogs
These are must reads in the endless quest for work-day procrastination. How can I be expected to get anything done when I can look at hilarious photo documentation of gay Fire Island shenanigans and read about the happenings radiating from the corner of Greenwich @ Bank? It makes me even more depressed that I must suffer through the recycled air and unflattering light of the cube....at least I can add a little entertainment and faggotry to my incredibly straight work day. Love it!
Gayz of Our Lives
Stoop News
Gayz of Our Lives
Stoop News
Fireworks
For those of you who missed the 4th of July fireworks in NYC because of rain you can get a quick recap below. There is nothing like watching fireworks from the top of a high-rise and managing to hold an umbrella, cocktail, and camera at the same time. Too bad I can't lay in a track of the Star Spangled Banner (or Madonna's I Love New York) in the background. Sad thing is that it's hard to tell whether we are celebrating the birth of our nation or getting attacked by a sect of gay terrorists (more glitter!!)....I need to get a better camera.
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